


How Not  to Get Laid

by LizzyAnn2003



Category: General - Fandom
Genre: Alcohol, Awkward Flirting, Bar, F/F, F/M, Kidnapping, M/M, Minor Injuries, Mystery Character(s), No Sex, Ouchy Ankle, Romance, Sex on the Beach, Slight Smut, So this is a Mistake and I'm sorry, creepy taxi driver, the drink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:48:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23587159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizzyAnn2003/pseuds/LizzyAnn2003
Summary: You see a beautiful person in the bar and decide to try and get them to come home with you.
Relationships: Reader X pretty person in the bar
Kudos: 2





	How Not  to Get Laid

**Author's Note:**

  * For [iPhonesIn1997](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iPhonesIn1997/gifts).



You are sitting in the bar when you notice them. You think to yourself that they might just be the most attractive person you’ve ever seen and you can't take your eyes off of them. The drink in your hand is almost empty and you decide to finish it off before approaching the person. The drink burns as you gulp it down in one go. The burning gives you a new sense of confidence and you approach the beauty with unwavering suave.

  
They notice you approaching and turn to greet you, but before they can introduce themselves you blurt out, “ You’re kinda hot, wanna smash?”. You look just as surprised by the words as they do. They seem taken back from the bluntness of your words, but you can tell they are a little flattered by the kindness in your words.

  
In an attempt to cover up your embarrassment you ask them if they would like to have a drink with you. They accept and the awkwardness from earlier seems to slowly disappear. You approach the bar together and take the last two open seats. “What would you like to drink?” you ask the beauty. They look back at you giggling slightly and respond “ Surprise me.”. The pressure of having to choose their drink is getting to you and you start to panic slightly. Thoughts like,“What if I choose the wrong type of drink? “Will they leave me here if they don't like it?”, begin to swirl around in your head and you start to feel a little sick.

  
“Well, what are you two having to drink?” the bartender asks. You didn’t even realize that he had approached due to your panic. “SEX ON THE BEACH!” You blurt out, because you really just want to get laid tonight. Realizing what you just said your face gets hot with embarrassment for the second time in less than 10 minutes. “ Can I get two Sex On The Beach, please?” you say clearing your throat in an attempt to regain your composure. The bartender chuckles at you and brings your drinks. Your date is looking over at you with a kind smile on their face. They seem to be enjoying themselves and you start to feel better about being an awkward mess.

  
The nervousness and awkwardness soon fade and turn into small talk and laughter. You decide to take this opportunity to tell them that they are looking fine as hell and ask them how their day was. Your date blushes at the compliment, but soon looks down sadly at their glass and tells you that they had a really bad day. “Anything I can do to help you out with that?” you ask in hope to cheer them up. They look up with a small smile and reply “ Maybe another drink?”. You have never ordered a drink so quickly in your life. The bartender asks if you are getting a drink for yourself as well. “Why not?” you think to yourself.

  
The drinks and your really bad jokes seem to cheer up your date. They start to hang off of you a little bit and the casual touches seem to linger a bit longer. Your date is running their fingers up and down your arm and you start to lose your composure, but suddenly you get this feeling that you are being watched. The feeling drags you back into reality and you look around startled looking for the source of this feeling. The fingers on your arm stop and you turn to see your date looking at you with concern in their eyes.

  
“Hey is everything okay? You look like you just saw a ghost.” they ask. You decide to tell the truth about how you are feeling. “ Actually, I think I’m being watched, but I can’t see anyone that looks suspicious” You tell them trying to hide the fear in your voice. Your date is very concerned and seems nervous themselves. They ask if you think you guys should leave the bar. “Ya, I think it would be best if we left for the night.” You say with a bit of relief in your voice. There is a hotel not far from here and you tell your date that that’s where you will stay tonight. Your date flushes and asks to accompany you to your hotel. All the fear of being watched is immediately gone and you feel your face heat up in anticipation of what’s to come.

  
You pay your bar tab and leave a generous tip for the bartender who gives you a smirk and a wink as you leave. You notice that your date is stumbling a bit and offer your arm. They accept happily and link arms with you while leaning their head gently on your shoulder. The streets outside are quiet and there seems to be no one around. The weather is a little too chilly to walk to the hotel, so you decide to hail a taxi. After waiting a bit you finally spot a taxi and manage to hail it down. You politely open the door for your date and then enter the taxi yourself.

  
You are greeted by a very large, but kind looking taxi driver. “So where are you two headed on this fine night?” the driver asks with a kind voice. “ Please take us to the Best Western on Stevenson street.” you respond nicely. The taxi driver turns to you and tells you that it won’t be a long drive, but to get comfortable and enjoy your ride. Then you notice that the taxi driver is looking at your date with a weird look on his face, you can’t tell what he is thinking. It’s probably nothing you think to yourself, maybe they knew each other in highschool or something. You decide that you won’t tip the taxi driver for looking at your date like that.

  
You turn to look at your date who is sitting right next to you. Your arm is still locked in theirs and they are looking up at you with the most adorable look on their face. The urge to lean down and kiss them takes over and before you know it you are kissing your date. They lean into the kiss and you change your position so you are more on top of them. They reach up and tangle their fingers in your hair and pull you closer. They let out a slight moan and the noise encourages you to take things a step further. You bring your hands up and cup your dates face taking this opportunity to deepen this kiss. Your date pulls away to catch their breath. You are both breathing heavily and you can see the lust in your date's eyes. If you weren’t in a taxi you would take them right here.

  
Then the realization hits you that you should have reached your destination by now. You untangle yourself from your date and look out the window. The buildings around you look unfamiliar and you have no idea where you are going. In fear you look over at the taxi driver who seems to be completely unfazed by the almost sex in his backseat as well as the fact that he is kidnapping two people. “Hey, where are we going? I told you to take us to the Best Western a couple of blocks from the bar.” you tell the taxi driver. He doesn’t even seem like he heard you talk. You decide that you need to find a way out of the car. The locks on the doors have been removed so you can’t tuck and roll out of the car. Your date looks just as worried as you do. They also seem to be looking for a way out of the car. In your panic you make a terrible decision and sock the diver right in the side of the head. He doesn’t even flinch or move for that matter.

  
The car starts to slow down and you look out the window in hopes to be able to figure out where you are. You have no luck identifying your location. The taxi takes a turn into a shady looking alleyway. The alley is completely dark other than the little moonlight leaking in from between the buildings and not long after entering the alley the taxi comes to a stop. The driver turns off the taxi and gets out of the car. You can feel the fear rising as you hear the footsteps approach your door. The driver opens the door and he is even larger up close. You are about to say something when the driver grabs you by the color of your shirt and drags you from the car. You can hear your date crying from the car and you try to get away from the large man and run to them. All you want to do is protect them from this mess you dragged them into. You quickly realize that there is no point in struggling. The driver is just too strong to over power. The driver starts to drag you further into the alley and soon you can no longer hear the cries of your date.

  
You can feel yourself start to cry as you are being dragged. “I just wanted to have a good night with a good person.” you think to yourself in pity. The tears are running down your face and they don’t seem to be stopping soon. The large man comes to a stop in front of a weird looking metal door. He pushes the door with one hand and throws you inside. You hit the floor of the room hard and you can feel a sharp pain in your ankle. You must have twisted your ankle when you were thrown. The pain doesn’t seem to be going away, so you won’t be able to run away from anything anymore.  


  
The room you are in looks like a prison cell. The walls and the floor are concrete. There is only one window in the cell. The window is very high up and you couldn’t look through no matter how hard you tried. There is a small amount of moonlight coming through the window so you aren’t sitting in complete darkness. In the moonlight you can see that the door has no handle on the inside and that it looks pretty sturdy. There is no way out of the cell. You quickly lose hope of escaping. You lay on the cold floors of the cell hopeless.

  
You must have drifted off to sleep, because you are awoken to the sound of the heavy medal door opening. You try and get as far away from the door as possible, but your back is already to the wall behind you. It is still night outside so you must not have been sleeping for long. Your eyes are focused on the door in front of you wondering who might walk through it. The person who walks in is the last person you would expect to open the door.

  
Your date stands in the doorway with a wicked grin on their face. “ Bet you weren’t expecting me, honey.” they said in a low tone. “I don’t understand what is happening? Why are you doing this to me?.” you cry out. They just laugh at you and start to walk toward you at a painfully slow pace. Your mind is racing with thoughts like “what are they gonna do to me” and “what do they want with me”. You start to shake out of fear of the unknown. They finally reach you and lean down to your level. The smirk still on their face. You notice that around the person's neck that parts of their skin is starting to peel up. Then it hits you. They are wearing a mask. They are getting closer and closer to your face. You can feel their breath on your ear and they start to peel up the edges of their fraying mask. They pull the mask off right as they whisper a sentence that will change your life forever. “ What are you doing in my swamp?” they whisper. You look up in disbelief. The person under the mask was even more beautiful without the mask.

  
You are suddenly hit with a realization that you actually made out with this blessing from God. Your face goes red and you can feel your captors gaze on you. “I know you know who I am.” they say to you. You continue to look away from their gaze in fear that as soon as you lock eyes you will be captivated. “Who doesn’t know who you are?” you ask in a weak tone. You can’t bear the weight of their stare much longer. “Say my name.” they tell you in what can only be described as a growl. “Shrek.” you whisper, still not looking up at the beauty in front of you. “That’s right.” he whispers, grabbing your chin. He slowly moves your head so that you are forced to look into his eyes. As soon as you lock eyes with him you can feel that you belong to him no and there is no escape. “I really did choose a pretty little thing didn’t I?” he says as he looks you up and down. His gaze is electrifying and you find yourself hoping that he would touch you.  


  
“Well it's getting pretty late and I wouldn’t want my baby not getting enough sleep for their big day tomorrow.” he says to you as he lets go of your face and starts walking for the door. On his way out he turns around to give you a seductive wink as he closes the door. Now that you are alone in the room you feel alone and sad without his presence. You can’t wait to see him again tomorrow. You decide to get a good rest so you can be prepared for anything that is going to happen tomorrow. You lay your head on the cool stone and your eyelids grow heavy. You are soon fast asleep and have a deep, dreamless sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank yall for reading this far!! Please don't hesitate to leave comments I will respond to them as soon as I can. I'm also open to new idea and will take requests and it doesn't have to be a monstrosity like this one I'm open to writing anything.


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